He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize