omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
