my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
