Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
