I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
