I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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