what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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