So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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