you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
