Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
