Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize