Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
