I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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