Please don't use social media to get back at me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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