My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
