yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
