somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
