You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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