This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
