i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
