I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
