I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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