where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
