I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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