Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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