I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think my moral compass just broke
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
