Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
