On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
