So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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