I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
