When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
