census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
