3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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