I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize