It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
