FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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