Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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