Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
