The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
