I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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