There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
