It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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