Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
