You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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