: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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