I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
