I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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