you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
