I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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