I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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