So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize