Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
