i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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