Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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