from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize