I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
