Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
