Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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