remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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