I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
