normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
