I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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