I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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