im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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