At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
