is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
