I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
