im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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