dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
