when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
