I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He better not be in your backpack
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
