A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
