Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
