How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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