I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
