Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
