Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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