i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
