kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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