Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
