my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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