When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize