Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
