good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
