I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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