I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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