I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
